See Ya Later Alligator

Hello my faithful family readers.Hmmmm its been a really long time since I was here last. But I just came back to say that I am done with the Blog thing.It was really fun at first. It was a cool way to share what was going on in my life and to share pictures but I just can't seem to be bothered with it anymore.Rather than having you wait with baited breath for my next post (*snicker* yeah right) I thought I would let you off the hook.

Don't be sad though I will still be hanging around on Facebook, posting pictures of my little family and gabbing about the things we are up to (when I actually have something to say) and let us not forget the lost form of communication: E-mail. *GASP* Yup I will still be there too.

So bye bye little blog- catch you on the flip side!!

New goal

If you will take just a moment to have a "boo" at the right hand column of my blog, you will notice that I have added a new little "ticker" called weight loss. (They have these things for everything)

One of the homeschool blogs that I follow has one on hers and I think its pretty cool and very motivating.You have something that you can physically watch and see your progress! A couple of years ago I did loose quite a bit of weight but I got lazy and gained all but 2lbs back.But I would really like to get back on track because I think it would benefit my over all health. Both physically and mentally.

Although I am aware that exercise and diet are important.I am not going to lie to you.I loathe exercise in most forms.It bores me to death.I was never very athletic as a kid and anything I did manage to enjoy back then is not even remotely possible for me to do now. Gymnastics anyone?? I don't like walking or biking unless its to go to the store for a slurpee, which totally defeats the purpose , organized sports I can't do because I don't have the stamina to keep running at a constant pace (I never could even as a kid). Jogging?? (see walking and bike riding) and who has got time to go to a gym?? not me. So I am going to go back to my trusty little Wii. The weight loss is slower but that's ok. I even have a new 'Gold's Gym' work out disc to try out. It could be fun.Skipping, boxing,cardio and other things all in the comfort of my own home. I can just let it all hang out and not have to worry that people might be staring at me.

In regards to food I find it to be quite a challenge. While I do enjoy a variety of fruits, meat and veggies I can not bring myself to eat yogurt,oatmeal,fish,beans,lentils and most anything else the nutrition world deams as "good for you".My only goal for this right now is to work on more 'from scratch' meals and less pre-packaged ones.Grocery prices have got a lot to do with this one right now.I have to carefully plan what to make in order to keep costs down.

So here's to a new adventure and hopefully a successful one!! :)

A month of thanks

About a month ago, when I was really struggling with 'Hope', I stumbled upon this blog.In fact it was the very reason I started a thankful journal. I printed off the free calender and began keeping track of one thing for each day of the month that I was thankful for.It hasn't stopped me from having hard days, but it has helped me to put things in perspective.As the list grows longer I can go over and over it because it is in print, not just in a storage spot in my head that is easily forgotten.Maybe one day I will try the 1000 gifts.But for right now I am content to do one at a time.

I just wanted to share my list for this month.They are nothing earth shattering. Just simple every day things.

1. Family (church,immediate,extended)
2. Our ability to learn
   
3. Beauty in photography (creativity)
4. GOD'S provision for our needs
5. For my husband's willingness to catch mice for me (he is the king)
6. "Pumpkin's" servant heart
7. My husband's patience
8. Singing kids
9. Inside jokes-laughter
10. Freshly fallen snow
11. Clean water
12. Good neighbours
13. The sweetness of my children when they are sleeping
14. My favorite chair by the window
15. Beautiful weddings
16. 3 working vehicles
17. A warm house
18. Healthy, growing children
19. Brushing "Pumpkin's" hair
20. The smell of popcorn
21. Saving on a weeks worth of gas
22. A timely sermon. (the kind you think was written just for you)
23. Medicine/health care
24. Chocolate chip cookies
25. My bed
26. Grocery stores stocked with food
27. The mystery of how our body functions together as a whole
28. "Pumpkin's" laugh
29. Ice cold Coca-Cola
30. When the days start getting longer
31. Starbuck's dark hot chocolate

As I said, not an earth shattering list.But you really begin to notice how really blessed we are. Now to start on February!

This is NOT Disneyland!

Okay "Mickey" this is not Disneyland! So take your friends and family and move out!

I hate winter time for more than one reason but particularly because our little house becomes the "happiest place on earth" for little rodents.Its the draw back of having a dirt basement.We have done our best to find their entry points and seal them off, at least to confine them to the basement, but they are tricky!
Their favorite haven is in my stove drawer.They store food, make their own personal deposits and climb all over my baking sheets.I haven't got anywhere else to store them so I am forced to wash them every time I need to use them. It is amazing how something so small can create such work!

Not only are they dirty and disgusting,I am limited as to the means of getting rid of them.I don't want traps.First of all because of several little fingers,not to mention my dog is not exactly high on the intelligence list,second because I don't even remotely want to hear the dreadful snapping noise they make! Poison has to be strategically placed so as not to harm said little fingers and not so bright dogs.My only other option is sticky traps.Which has its pros and cons. The pros being I don't have to worry about the safety of the kids/dog,second I don't have to listen to the snapping noise and they are pretty easy to set up.The cons are that when you catch one they are still alive and they stare at you!Trying to make you feel guilty, or they manage to get themselves off the trap by chewing off limbs and leaving them behind.On occasion they have been known to fight so wildly that they bounce the trap right out into the middle of the floor so you darn near step on them in the middle of the night on your trip to the bathroom! Are you grossed out yet??? Another con is that "not so bright" dog has been known to sit on them occasionally which is super fun!

Why the rant about mice you ask? Well lets just say DH is the king of mice killing he is good at it and is not at all bothered by ridding our house of these little critters.Me, not so much. If I can, I time it by placing the traps out at night before bed so that if an unsuspecting mouse finds his way onto a trap DH will be the first to find it and he can get rid of it so I don't have to see it. A couple of weeks ago I even hid myself in the bathroom until DH removed a dead one from under the stove! Its a great source of amusement for him.
Yesterday was the ultimate in freak-out-ness. I was in the kitchen when I was startled by a mouse that was trying to get through a hole in the wall behind our base cabinets.He got his head stuck because it wasn't quite big enough and he had shimmied himself halfway up the wall to the counter top with his head still stuck.By now I am totally going to lose it but I don't do the typical girly scream so as not to alert the girls to the problem.I thought maybe I could stick him to the trap and get rid of him with out too much problem.Ummm no. The only thing I managed to do was pull the paint off the wall and break his little neck so that he dangled from the wall. (How about now, are you super grossed out??) Then I was forced to try and pull him out (using rubber gloves) with out ripping his tail (or head) off. I did manage to get him out but let me tell you, you have never seen anyone run so fast with a plastic bag being held at arms length in -30 weather as me!!!!
Having a cat is not an option (DH is allergic). Not only that, they like to leave "presents" for their owners which is far more disgusting than the traps! We do not have the option of moving, so I guess I will have to continue to put up with our little guests.But I sure wish they would clean up after themselves!!

This one is for you uncle "D"

Yes this post is for you.So you don't have to look at the October one any more. LOL! Hmmm what to say though.


I will try to keep my depressive nature to a minimum.But I will have to share a little in order to get to the "light at the end of the tunnel"

I think I have mentioned it in a previous post somewhere, but I do and have suffered from clinical depression over most of my teen/adult life.Some years are better than others and there have been some years when I have genuinely been happy.But right now I am in a season of shall we say "grey". Where everything is always tainted with a shadow.Instead of looking through rose colored glasses.I see everything in shades of grey.

* just a note*- yes, I have sought medical help.As of yet we have not found a long lasting solution that does not cause it to get worse.

I would say this season for me has lasted about 5 years so far.Just when I seem to get my feet back under me something pulls the rug out from underneath. It started with Grandma's death, it continued with "G"'s birth.We had a rough first few months.Then came my mom's deteriorating health and ultimately her death, followed very closely by the birth of "E". Monkey and pumpkin have had minor medical problems to deal with.Nothing serious but enough to compound things.Then you can throw in a few other minor things such as DH parents moving away and their decision to no longer participate in Christmas.It has left my grasping for anything I can hold on to.

It is hard for me because I am very relational.Family means everything to me.So to have one set of grandparents who are very distant (physically and emotionally),a strained relationship with dad (we are working on it) and almost no connection to any extended family, it has left me feeling lost and alone.Even though I am surrounded by people who love and care about me.

Most people take all of this in stride.Shake it off and start again But I don't,I can't and I feel guilty for the way I am because so many people are far worse off than I am.I get tired of being sad all the time its physically and emotionally draining. So much of my life is passing me by and I feel as though I am cheating the girls out of a happy memorable childhood.

This brings me to "the rest of the story". I have been reflecting a lot over the last few days.Trying to figure out how I can get control of this situation.I have come to the realization that what I am missing is HOPE.I am not talking about worldly hope like " I hope this will get better" or "I hope I will win the lottery" but the Hope that comes from knowing the LORD. Even though I am Christian and have been for many years, somewhere along this journey I have allowed myself to forget. I have allowed myself to say" I need to be in control"". I am the only one who can change this". Me,Me, Me. The only way I am going to fix this is to give control to the one who created me.To cling to the promises that he has made to me. That he will never leave me or forsake me, he will take care of all my NEEDS,and most important of all is that he loves me and I am his.


So my goal for the new year is to strengthen my relationship with God through thankfulness.Thanking him everyday for the blessings I do have and for the prayers he has answered. He may never take my depression away but my prayer is that he will give me what I need to withstand it when it comes. I am going to hold on to the hope that 2012 will be a better year.

Long time no see ( or blog)

Hello bloggy world! Yep a blogging failure again.What can I say?I won't bore you with a million excuses.Just know I am still hanging around!

As some of you are aware,I started my homeschool journey at the beginning of September.I am loving it! I'm not going to lie though, this is the biggest challenge I have ever willingly taken on, and some days it is hard.I have had days where I have raised my voice to reeeealllly loud decibels,I have begged,groveled and resorted to bribery on occasion and I'm only in my second month LOL!But the rewards have by far outnumbered the struggles that we have encountered.

It is amazing to see monkey "get it". We've had days where she just soared through her work and we've also had days when we had to stop what we were doing to go over and over something i knew she just didn't understand.Then one day the light went on and we were off to the races again.I can not even begin to explain the thrill it is!!

I have learned so much in the last six weeks not only about myself but also from the things I have been teaching.Who new learning could actually be fun??? I have an increased sense of self-esteem and worth.I have learned that giving up is not an option and when something doesn't work the first time take a step back and try it again.It is OK to stop and go over things and not just try to push through,days almost never go as planned,the smile they get on their face when you've praised them for a job well done is priceless,there will be tears (yours and theirs),its fun being out when all the other kids are in school,it feels good when someone tells you your kid is smart and so many more things! I am not sure where the journey will take me but I know I am on the right path :)

Enough with the scissors already!!

I apologize in advance for the sad and depressing nature of this post.I just needed a place for it to be so it was not in my head.

This is going to sound stupid right off the bat."Monkey",and her never ending quest to see what happens when she uses her scissors for something other than paper,decided to cut her dolls hair and I, in all my "parental glory", had a major melt down.
Why should I have a melt down over a doll's hair? you ask.Its a thing,its plastic with bits of nylon, it can be replaced easily right?Putting aside the fact that she knows very well that she is not to use her scissors for anything but paper,this doll was not just any doll.

This doll was one of the only things my mom was ever able to give her.Its the only connection she has left between her and her "mama".I was with my mom the day she picked it out.When I saw the price of it I told her it was too expensive but that didn't matter to her. She wanted to give her granddaughter her very first doll.

So when I saw jet black locks of hair everywhere I lost it. "Monkey" doesn't understand.She was only two when my mom died.But I saw it as a great loss.So many feelings and emotions flooded me at that single moment in time. Loss,anger,grief.Not because of a doll, but what it represented.A woman that I so desperately miss. Especially on days when I am at my wits end as a parent.I try to think of what she might have said.But that takes me in a different direction all together. I can't remember the sound of her voice anymore,I can't remember what she looked like before she got sick.I can't remember the jokes we told or the hugs we shared. I CAN'T REMEMBER!!! HOW COULD I FORGET HER???As the years go by the grief gets less and less but so do the memories of her and it breaks my heart.I miss her.It was not supposed to be this way.It wasn't!

Again I apologize for my drama.

Me and my Machine

Sewing machine that is.I sort of have a love/hate relationship with sewing.I love to hate it! Ok, i'm jus't kidding (sort of).

When I was in junior high and was taking Home Ec. ,sewing was part of it. No matter how hard I tried,I just couldn't get it.The instructions didn't make any sense what so ever,the machine was always jamming, I couldn't sew a button on to save my life and I spent more time ripping out my projects than actually sewing them. My mom even helped me finish one of my jumpsuits because I was going to throw the machine out the window. (shhhh don't tell anyone).In short I could hardly wait for the class to be finished.

I never really had much interest in it after that. Besides what are little sisters for. "H" is the sewer in our family.She could do it.But sort of out of necessity,I needed to learn again.At least so I could do some basic mending.DH is forever ripping his pants because of the way he has to bend and stretch doing his work.It gets a little expensive throwing away perfectly good clothes just because of a little tear or a missing button.*By the way, I still can't sew a button on to save my life!*

My mom and sister pooled their money and got me a sewing machine for Christmas a few years ago.I started out using it just for mending.Then I got brave and tried making a couple of curtains.That was pretty easy.Then I decided that I was going to branch out and really try to give sewing a second chance.There are so many fun fabrics out there and It helps to have a sister that works in the fabric store.Sewing is certainly not as economical as it once was.In fact in many cases it costs more than just going to the store and buying it.But it has its merits.You get one of a kind outfits and you have the satisfaction of knowing you made it.

I have mostly spent my time making things for the girls.The pieces are small and not as complicated.This is not to say I have had an easy time of it.The patterns still don't make sense sometimes,I still have to rip things out a lot and I take way longer than the "2 hours" they say it takes but the difference is in my perseverance,my willingness to keep going and not give up.Maybe one of these days I will branch out into something for myself but right now I'm just going to keep on trying.

new found love ???

I have a new love (or maybe just a rediscovered one).Homemade cooking.

Growing up, I loved having homemade meals and sharing them around the table with family.More often than not they were very simple meals.Nothing fancy. But I didn't care.We were together.Then we moved to the city and that all changed drastically.Slow, leisurely,Sunday dinners at Grandma's were a thing of the past.Everybody was going every which way and there just seemed to be no time to sit together.And meals became rushed.As with everything in the city, life moves fast and it wasn't long before we fell into the trap of eating out all the time.Something that was a rare treat when I was younger.Soon food just became unappealing all together.I got tired of trying to figure out what to eat all the time.At the same time I got sick of eating out too.

I have struggled for years with food and quite often have made more than my fair share of unhealthy choices just because food became boring.I got tired of cooking and I think I only had a list of a few items that I made regularly and we have had the same things over and over every week for the last several years. Its not that I can't cook.I just became really lazy about it.But something has rekindled a flame.I don't know if its because eating out is outrageously expensive or the price of groceries continues to sky rocket but I want to learn and to teach myself to make new things.Jams,jellies,breads,soup.I want to use my vegetable garden more efficiently!Learn to 'can' things.Share it with my kids so they can survive on their own with out eating macaroni and cheese every day of their grown up life.I guess I just long for the simplicity of life when good times were had making and eating meals together.

A couple of months ago I dragged myself (kicking and screaming all the way) into trying to meal plan.I hated the idea.There was no way I could come up with that many ideas for meals.Guess what? I did it! I started by writing down the meals that I normally made.Then I added in a few that I hadn't made in a really long time.Finally I added some new recipes that I wanted to try.Wouldn't you know it I have a list of approximately 35 different meals.So I could go an entire month never having the same thing twice.I have slowly been trying to figure out lunch meals now too.I hate lunch even more than supper.My kids don't eat much in the way of sandwiches (No pb and j in this house) and all of us have gotten tired of eating mac and cheese, even if it is homemade.Lunch has been a VERY slow process.I've gotten 2 weeks worth of meals.That is a start.The two biggest advantages I have found are that I don't have to think about what to make. When I am tired I just look at my little sheet and it tells me what to make.Second , it makes grocery shopping a whole lot easier.I write the menu out,write down the ingredients I need and wha-la! instant grocery list.There by making it less painful to go into the store and it saves me money because I'm not wasting food as much.And a side benefit is that we have hardly eaten out in the last three months!

I don't plan on totally going crazy.I'm still very much a meat and potatoe girl.So becoming vegetarian is not high on my list of priorities.I'm also not going totally off the wall into organic stuff either.Thats not to say I won't use it.Sure I will do it when I can.I just have no plans to go to the outer extremes of organic,green,whatever stuff.My only goal right now is to eat less prepackaged stuff ,eat out less and start to enjoy food again.

Spring

Is it spring yet? I don't know how much more of this wintery, blah I can handle.There is only so much hot chocolate one person can ingest before you get permanent chocolate and marshmallow stains above your lips.("Got milk?")

Its almost March though, so there is hope.I don't know if its a mental thing or not,but being that this is me we are talking about the answer is most likely yes.It doesn't matter how much snow and cold there is, the moment the calender changes from February to March, my spirits are instantly lifted.I have hope,I feel more cheerful,there is anticipation!
There will be an end to this"10 months" of winter.If only for a fleeting moment.There will be a chance to feel the warm sun on my face, watch the trees blossom and fill the air with their delightful smells,get dirt under my finger nails,enjoy the longer days.Oh bliss!

I tire of the long, cold,grey days.Even the ones that look deceptively lovely.Bright blue skies and sunshine.That is until you go outside and your nose hairs freeze together instantly and you are forced to make a hasty retreat back into your house.But like I said there is HOPE. Somewhere under the two foot pile of snow covering our front yard is a blade of green grass just waiting to come up.

Patience is all I need.

Leapin' Lizards

Yep, its official.My kids are weird.If I were to limit the toys in my house to two things, I bet you would be surprised to know what they were.Well maybe not one of them but the other is certainly not your typical "girly" play thing.

Let me start by letting you know "monkey" has been a challenge right from day 1 in regards to toys.She never liked them much,could have cared less about them really.It wasn't until she was almost 2 when she showed interest in doing puzzles.She put together her first puzzles in about two minutes flat.So I kept increasing the difficulty.I thought I found something to keep her interested.In fact she made it all the way to a 65 piece puzzle before she was 3.Then in typical "monkey" fashion, it was "Ok, been there, done that, what's next? " I have tried every imaginable toy I can think of.From your typical average kid toy, all the way to games,puzzles and educational ones too.Nothing.Except this one thing.No it is not a cardboard box.But it was just as cheap.It, or rather they, cost me $1.50 at Michael's.

A package of brightly colored, rubber, lizards.Yes folks you read it correctly.Rubber lizards!! I have absolutely no clue as to why she is fascinated with these things.But she takes them everywhere.Forget playing with dolls.These lizards are the babies and the ones on all the adventures.Being orphaned because the mom and dad lizard died. (typically from drowning in the bathtub or falling off of some extremely high place aka the book shelf).Which brings me to the second thing. A doll house. Not too out of the ordinary except for the fact that no people reside in it.Only the little lizards dwell here, while the people are left to fend for themselves.These little lizards bathe in the bath tub,eat at the table,drive the cars,sleep in the beds.Nope no people here.

This past Christmas she got lots of things.Nice things.Even a REAL laptop of her very own!But that came in second best to the present she got from auntie "S". You guessed it rubber lizards!! 3 of them to be exact.These ones are big and ugly as far as I'm concerned.But hey, what do I know?She loves them.They don't creep me out or anything.I mean hey I worked in a pet store and held my fair share of them.But it is a little unnerving when you step backwards on to one of them or step on them in the middle of the night.They squish between your toes because they are a rubber outside with silicon beads inside.Yuck!

These, like their miniature counter parts, take center stage at play time.They do manage to work their way into the doll house most times.However meal times are usually spent at OUR table.I am sure you can imagine how well that goes.You know,hanging out in the drink glasses,eating off our plates,throwing food on the floor.They are a pretty rowdy bunch, let me tell you!

One day I will look back at this and laugh.But for now, I think my kids are just plain weird!

Pink

I love pink.No,I am not referring to the music artist.I most definitely mean the color.

This isn't meant to be earth shattering news.Rather just something to add cheer to this otherwise grey,dismal,dare I say depressing month of January.

Pink has always been my favourite color for as long as I can remember.I enjoy other colors as well,but pink has always been the one that brought a smile to my face.However I must clarify that not any shade of pink will do.I love the shell pinks and those in the palest shade.I find the dark shades to be harsh and I don't find them nearly as enjoyable.

I have noticed there seems to be an outright rebellion towards pink(except when it relates to baby girls)because to our modern feminists it is a color of weakness.
All the reasons that women don't like it, are the very reasons I love it.It is soft and feminine and pretty.It makes me feel that way.It makes me think of spring and newness.I love its gentility. It makes me think of simpler times when life wasn't as crazy and stressful as it is now.

Sometimes I feel like I belong to a small minority.Most people I know favour the color blue. Blue makes me sad and to me it feels cold.Not calming like they claim. Unless it is a pastel shade or something like robin egg blue (again "spring-y")
If you come into my home you won't find pink dripping from every possible place.But it is here.Soft and understated.I guess you could say.Just like me.

Scotch tape

They say that smell is one of the strongest senses when it comes to triggering a memory.In my case I think it is probably true.I have a good memory but it is short.

Today as I was wrapping brightly colored gifts for my sweet, angelic children (*ahem*), I caught a whiff of the tape.
It was like running head first into the "ghost of Christmas past".The smell of Scotch tape reminds me of my Grandpa.
Just in case you were wondering, old people do not smell like Scotch tape! Anyway, now that we have that established,back to the story.

As I was saying, it reminds me of my Grandpa.I remember his present wrapping station that he set up on the big long table in the basement.With his little hand drawn sign that said "No peeking!" I can still picture him sitting there, wrapping each gift with great precision.The corners were sharp, the paper was perfectly lined up and the smell of the tape filled the air.It always amazed me how he could get it just right.No wrinkles or anything.Even the tape was "just so"

Me,I have no patience for wrapping.If the paper is on and stuck together then thats good enough for me! It comes off in 30 seconds or less.So what's the big, deal huh?

I remember sitting beside him and listening to him talk and tell his silly jokes.He let me put the colored ribbons on or let me put my finger on the ribbon to hold it still. Thats just the way he was.Aways had time to listen and to teach and to love his grandkids. I miss you "Foxy".

Isn't it funny how such an inanimate object such as tape can open such a treasure.....

All I want for Christmas is my four front teeth

I've had lots of things to say lately but the Internet for the lap top has not been cooperating. I have had to impatiently wait patiently for my dear hubby to fix it.I could have used the desk top, but then there would have been no pictures.What fun is that?Its like ice cream with no chocolate syrup!

Any who... "Monkey" will be wishing for her four front teeth for Christmas this year.Why you ask? Well it has everything to do with a small blonde 2 year old and her perfectly placed forehead on "Monkey's" face.Yep she head butted her. Accidentally of course, but you want to talk rocks for brains, she has an extremely hard head.I have been on the receiving end of her head more times than I care to remember.

I actually didn't know for several days after that she had loosened "Monkey's" teeth.There was only a little bit of blood but that was from a cut on the inside of her lip.So I never thought anything of it until she kept telling me her tooth was loose. Me being the wonderful parent that I am, brushed it aside because you know kids,they have a million and one stories up there sleeve.So I just nodded and said "uh huh". Then one day I saw her pushing at her teeth with her tongue and they moved.So I stuck my finger in and sure enough they were loose.Not one, but two (or at least I thought). Chalk up another one for bad parental judgement.*sigh*

"Monkey" already had an appointment at the dentist for other reasons so I just waited the extra couple days.They looked at them and said they would have to come out.All four. FOUR??!!.They scheduled the extraction for the following week.

I think I was more of a basket case than "Monkey" was about the whole situation.Partially because they recommended that I not tell her about it.The rest because I had know idea how she would react.She has only had one other needle in her life (other than vaccinations) and she went into a seizure right after.I had to sit out in the waiting room which was good and bad.Good because I don't think I could have kept it together but bad because I couldn't comfort her if she was scared.

She was very brave.Much better than her mommy.No tears,no seizures,nothing.When I came to get her she was calmly laying in her chair watching the cartoon and wearing cool sun glasses.Four tiny teeth lay on the dental tray.
The good news is that the dentist informed me that when they pulled the teeth there were no roots.Meaning they were already being absorbed in preparation for the new teeth to come in.He also showed me on the xray that her new teeth were just under the surface of her gums.So chances are she won't have to wait two years for her teeth to come in. Five is early for adult teeth but still with in the realm of normal.She just wants to do everything early!

Since this was a rather momentous occasion,I did not want to leave this job to the tooth fairy.I just don't think she could have dealt with this situation in the best way.So I took "Monkey" to do a little shopping.I allowed her to pick out a small gift of a toy or book just for being so brave.She picked out a new book.Then we went to have lunch. It was a yummy hot fudge sundae just for her.Then it was daddy's turn.DH is not usually emotionally effected like I am but even though he didn't out right say it, I think he was a bit shaken by the fact that his little girl had to go through something so big.But he went to the store and brought her some flowers.Brightly coloured daisies.She loved them.It made my heart melt that He wanted to do something special for her.

She has adapted quite well to not having teeth.You almost wouldn't know they were missing except when she smiles really big.This now brings me to my earlier post on why I am beginning to think that November is cursed! It was last year at this time that "Monkey" decided to play hair dresser and cut off her hair, along with baby sister's.This year it was knocked out teeth.Next year??I shudder to think what overly dramatic event will befall our eldest daughter.Lets hope it will be UNeventful!

Facebook junky

Gee wilikers boys and girls, you get on Facebook and you forget about your poor little blog.Poor sad little blog.Did you miss me?

I guess I only have a little bit to share and when I try to do it between two places, I have even less to say.Not to worry though.I like facebook and all.It lets me keep in contact with family that I wouldn't normally have a chance.But its loosing its sparkle.Its just plain boring sometimes.I know that this year has been pretty sparse for posts, but I will be back. I just have to unload some pictures off my camera and then boy do I have a story to tell. Like why I am beginning to think the end of November is cursed and why my dear sweet "monkey" will be singing,"All I want for Christmas is my four front teeth"

Bye for now

My name is....

I'm not sure if its just the day (grey and foggy) or what but I have been in one of my reflective moods again. The last few weeks I have been struggling with being envious and discontent.Oh I know everyone struggles with it from time to time but this time it has been a particularly tough journey.Combining envy with depression does not make a good combination.

So first off all I would like to stand up and say, "Hi my name is Kerry and I am a shopoholic". Yes it is true.While I never buy stuff on credit or spend more money than what we have.I buy stuff not out of necessity but because I can.It has become a comfort/boredom thing.My children's drawers are so full of clothes that I can barely close them,not to mention I have to wash them all!Their shelves are lined with toys they barely even glance at and again who ends up picking them up?But Its like I feel this sense of obligation to them.But the only thing I am creating will be little monsters that have the "gimmes".I am doing them a disservice instead of creating a spirit of thankfulness for the things they have.

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money and quite frankly money was an extremely difficult issue in our household.So any money I did get, which was very rarely, I saved it and made very thoughtful considerations about what I would use it for.So what happened?The pendulum swung the other way.I started working at 16 and I was still cautious with it but was a little more free with how I spent it.Then once I went through school and I started working it almost became an entitlement."I spent my entire childhood with hardly any money, now I am going to spend it on me!" and I did.I don't buy myself much any more but I do spend a lot on the girls and eating out and various other useless things.Now the only thing I have to show for it is the unhappiness that "stuff" creates.

I have a small house so I am either wishing I had a bigger house or I am so overwhelmed by "stuff".Always tripping over it,washing it,moving it from one place to another,buying storage things to stream line it.Sometimes I just want to hide in the corner. I often think about "the olden days" when they had one place setting per person two outfits each,one for work and one for Sunday and maybe one or two small toys for each child. Now society says you need more!If a little makes you happy a lot will make you happier!But it does not.Yet I can not seem to break free of this cycle.I have bought society's lie hook, line and sinker.

We have never had serious money problems.but at the end of the day where has all the money gone?We are existing.Walking a fine line between being ok and/or with one big push we could be at the bottom.I don't want to live like that.Under the thumb of "stuff".Its too hard and too stressful. I have so much,yet I struggle to find value in it.I take it for granted and one day it will be gone.Either through circumstance or death.I can't take it with me.Why do I need it?, why do I want it?

Sorry to be depressing.I'm just trying to put words to my thoughts.Not expecting an answer.Just trying to come to grips with things.One day I hope that I will learn the lesson of contentment but right now I struggle.

Giving thanks

Well, it is that time of year again. Thanksgiving.More often than not the only thing that people celebrate is the fact that it is a long weekend.(I include myself in this too) The very meaning of this day is almost lost amid the turkey and apple pie....(I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it)

To be quite honest sometimes I really don't feel like being thankful.Why is my mom not here to celebrate?Why is life so hard sometimes?Why can't things be easy once in a while?How is it that other people seem to have so much more? like a bigger house,vacations ect. and I can't even go somewhere for a weekend?

But then when I am finished my pity party I remember:

1.I have a home to live in.No matter how small,it is mine and we are sheltered.
2.My refrigerator and cupboards have food in them
3.Even though I hate washing them, we have clothes to wear.
4.I am a wife of a wonderful,loving husband who takes care of me.
5.I am a mother of two wonderful little girls.Whom I love dearly.
6.I am able to stay home with them when so many others are struggling to make ends meet with a two income household.
7.I have many friends and family that I get to be with and that care about me.
8.I have been given the gift of creativity and I love to use it.
9.We are all healthy.
10.Most importantly I am a child of God and because he loves me and I him.There is more than enough to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I am sorry......again

Yep.... its me again.Down on my knees,groveling,begging forgiveness yet again for my lengthy absence.I am SOOOOOORRRRY! Am I forgiven?

Even if I am not I thought I would fill you in a little on what I have been up to this summer .*ahem* I use the term "summer" very loosely.Yes like the thousands of other people I am whining about the weather.Thats what we do isn't it? Granted I am not extremely fond of anything above 25C, as I tend to be very susceptible to heat stroke, but it sure would have been nice not to have to turn the furnace on in the middle of summer.
The deck which seems to have taken a zillion times longer to put together is nearing completion.Hurray!DH just finished wiring in the last of the pot lights and boy do they look nice.It won't get painted until next year but that was at the recommendation of the guy at Home Hardware.

I got a cool new bike this year.A single speed, old-fashioned looking one with a basket.I haven't been on a bike very much since I had my bike accident in 2000.So when I took my first ride I felt a bit like a little kid just learning to ride a bike.

My little garden has been at the mercy of the weather and the deer.If they weren't so darn cute I would have to kick some "Bambi" butt! They decided that my garden made a wonderful salad bar and helped themselves to my peas and beans.I managed to get some off the plants but they have not been very flavorful.The up and downs of the temperatures didn't do them any favors.The only thing I might get to enjoy is the potatoes.
My front flower garden was amazing though.I had the best year for sweet peas ever.And I had numerous compliments from the neighbours and the bank employees that walk by everyday.

I completed several sewing projects that I have had waiting for a long time.Like curtains for my bathroom,a night gown for "pumpkin", and two summer dresses for "monkey".
We did manage to take a short vacation to B.C. this year which was very enjoyable.We visited DH parents in Valemount for a couple of days and then made our way south to a campground just outside Merritt.Despite the smoke from the fires it was nice.We also made a day trip to Kelowna and visited a couple interesting places like the Lavender farm and the girls loved the water park.On the way home we stopped at a roadside fruit stand and brought home 20lbs of peaches,some cherries and a few apples.
I sliced up and froze the peaches.I then made my first ever jelly from the nanking cherries in our front yard and it turned out to be pretty good.Now I can add jelly making to the things I have tried.

My Birthday has come and gone and I certainly won't add it to my "most memorable" list but none the less I am a year older.Wiser?Maybe a little.

That brings you up to date WHEW!

a promise is a promise

I know ,I know, I promised pictures of the deck and various other things.Well the deck is taking FOREVER!!! We only are able to do bits and pieces of it on Saturdays and only when dear husband is not working.So in other words not too many of those have been free either.At least it has a non leaking roof, stairs and railings.I'm also pretty excited about my new acquisition.A new paint sprayer!

Don't laugh too hard.I happen to like tools.In fact I consider it a "date" to go wandering around hardware stores.They have always held a fascination for me.I don't much care for the electrical aisle or the plumbing aisle but paint ,wood and tools get me really excited!Not to mention the home improvement section.I have not however been able to try out the afore mentioned tool yet because though I may like tools, I am not the best user of them until someone is around to supervise.So it still remains in its plastic carrying case unmarred by the white paint it will eventually hold.Oh the possibilities of this new little machine.

I am slowly accumulating my own little stash of things.I have my very own mitre saw,a snazzy level,an oh so pretty drop cloth,hammers ,a tape measure,not to mention two very pretty colbalt blue clamps.All held together in a charming tool box.Now, my only issue is keeping MY tools as MY tools.There have been several occasions when certain items have gone missing and have mysteriously ended up in someones work van.Kind of annoying when you go to use something and its missing.The guilty party gives me a sheepish grin and goes and fishes it out for me.I guess I will keep him anyway.Someone needs to help me use these things!

Any how, enough about the tools here are a couple more pictures.Slightly closer to being done...

Its been a long time

Wow, its been a super long time since I've been here.Its not that I haven't been on the computer,its just I haven't had very interesting things to talk about.The past month has been busy. Raising kids (more often than not wanting to give them away to the first taker),destruction of the old back step,building a new deck and pretending I know what i'm doing when it comes to planting my flower beds,planting my vegetable garden and completely ignoring the fact that the inside of my house resembles a bomb sight,swimming lessons,zoo trips,my anniversary......

Don't even get me started on how bad the back step was.Ummm...Ok I'll tell you anyways.Its a wonder the thing was standing at all.I always felt as though I was going to fall through the floor and now I know why! Not one board on the frame underneath was a whole piece.They were all spliced together (and very badly I might add).It was in no way shape or form anchored to the house and all the supports were sitting on top of the dirt instead of in it.That also goes for the supports that were holding up the roof.Yikes!The railing was a left over piece of pipe that was rusty,the roof sagged and all the wood was rotting like crazy.But now we have a beautiful deck, which is still not finished ,but that is another story!But at least I know it is well built.I should know ,I hammered and nailed and drilled and screwed, crawled under the deck and layed on my back in the dirt and slammed my fingers with the hammer more that once.Don't worry I couldn't have done any of this alone. My dear sweet hubby was there too.and maybe if I talk to him sweetly he will build me a porch swing too.

I haven't taken too many pictures lately.But when the deck is closer to being finished I will show you.For now... does anyone want two small kids that have a love of scissors and hair cutting ???? Ok, Ok just kidding.(about the giving them away,NOT the hair cutting thing!)Grrrrr.They are going to be bald until they are thirty!!!!!