I apologize in advance for the sad and depressing nature of this post.I just needed a place for it to be so it was not in my head.
This is going to sound stupid right off the bat."Monkey",and her never ending quest to see what happens when she uses her scissors for something other than paper,decided to cut her dolls hair and I, in all my "parental glory", had a major melt down.
Why should I have a melt down over a doll's hair? you ask.Its a thing,its plastic with bits of nylon, it can be replaced easily right?Putting aside the fact that she knows very well that she is not to use her scissors for anything but paper,this doll was not just any doll.
This doll was one of the only things my mom was ever able to give her.Its the only connection she has left between her and her "mama".I was with my mom the day she picked it out.When I saw the price of it I told her it was too expensive but that didn't matter to her. She wanted to give her granddaughter her very first doll.
So when I saw jet black locks of hair everywhere I lost it. "Monkey" doesn't understand.She was only two when my mom died.But I saw it as a great loss.So many feelings and emotions flooded me at that single moment in time. Loss,anger,grief.Not because of a doll, but what it represented.A woman that I so desperately miss. Especially on days when I am at my wits end as a parent.I try to think of what she might have said.But that takes me in a different direction all together. I can't remember the sound of her voice anymore,I can't remember what she looked like before she got sick.I can't remember the jokes we told or the hugs we shared. I CAN'T REMEMBER!!! HOW COULD I FORGET HER???As the years go by the grief gets less and less but so do the memories of her and it breaks my heart.I miss her.It was not supposed to be this way.It wasn't!
Again I apologize for my drama.
