I'm not sure if its just the day (grey and foggy) or what but I have been in one of my reflective moods again. The last few weeks I have been struggling with being envious and discontent.Oh I know everyone struggles with it from time to time but this time it has been a particularly tough journey.Combining envy with depression does not make a good combination.
So first off all I would like to stand up and say, "Hi my name is Kerry and I am a shopoholic". Yes it is true.While I never buy stuff on credit or spend more money than what we have.I buy stuff not out of necessity but because I can.It has become a comfort/boredom thing.My children's drawers are so full of clothes that I can barely close them,not to mention I have to wash them all!Their shelves are lined with toys they barely even glance at and again who ends up picking them up?But Its like I feel this sense of obligation to them.But the only thing I am creating will be little monsters that have the "gimmes".I am doing them a disservice instead of creating a spirit of thankfulness for the things they have.
Growing up we didn't have a lot of money and quite frankly money was an extremely difficult issue in our household.So any money I did get, which was very rarely, I saved it and made very thoughtful considerations about what I would use it for.So what happened?The pendulum swung the other way.I started working at 16 and I was still cautious with it but was a little more free with how I spent it.Then once I went through school and I started working it almost became an entitlement."I spent my entire childhood with hardly any money, now I am going to spend it on me!" and I did.I don't buy myself much any more but I do spend a lot on the girls and eating out and various other useless things.Now the only thing I have to show for it is the unhappiness that "stuff" creates.
I have a small house so I am either wishing I had a bigger house or I am so overwhelmed by "stuff".Always tripping over it,washing it,moving it from one place to another,buying storage things to stream line it.Sometimes I just want to hide in the corner. I often think about "the olden days" when they had one place setting per person two outfits each,one for work and one for Sunday and maybe one or two small toys for each child. Now society says you need more!If a little makes you happy a lot will make you happier!But it does not.Yet I can not seem to break free of this cycle.I have bought society's lie hook, line and sinker.
We have never had serious money problems.but at the end of the day where has all the money gone?We are existing.Walking a fine line between being ok and/or with one big push we could be at the bottom.I don't want to live like that.Under the thumb of "stuff".Its too hard and too stressful. I have so much,yet I struggle to find value in it.I take it for granted and one day it will be gone.Either through circumstance or death.I can't take it with me.Why do I need it?, why do I want it?
Sorry to be depressing.I'm just trying to put words to my thoughts.Not expecting an answer.Just trying to come to grips with things.One day I hope that I will learn the lesson of contentment but right now I struggle.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Giving thanks
Well, it is that time of year again. Thanksgiving.More often than not the only thing that people celebrate is the fact that it is a long weekend.(I include myself in this too) The very meaning of this day is almost lost amid the turkey and apple pie....(I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it)
To be quite honest sometimes I really don't feel like being thankful.Why is my mom not here to celebrate?Why is life so hard sometimes?Why can't things be easy once in a while?How is it that other people seem to have so much more? like a bigger house,vacations ect. and I can't even go somewhere for a weekend?
But then when I am finished my pity party I remember:
1.I have a home to live in.No matter how small,it is mine and we are sheltered.
2.My refrigerator and cupboards have food in them
3.Even though I hate washing them, we have clothes to wear.
4.I am a wife of a wonderful,loving husband who takes care of me.
5.I am a mother of two wonderful little girls.Whom I love dearly.
6.I am able to stay home with them when so many others are struggling to make ends meet with a two income household.
7.I have many friends and family that I get to be with and that care about me.
8.I have been given the gift of creativity and I love to use it.
9.We are all healthy.
10.Most importantly I am a child of God and because he loves me and I him.There is more than enough to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I am sorry......again
Yep.... its me again.Down on my knees,groveling,begging forgiveness yet again for my lengthy absence.I am SOOOOOORRRRY! Am I forgiven?
Even if I am not I thought I would fill you in a little on what I have been up to this summer .*ahem* I use the term "summer" very loosely.Yes like the thousands of other people I am whining about the weather.Thats what we do isn't it? Granted I am not extremely fond of anything above 25C, as I tend to be very susceptible to heat stroke, but it sure would have been nice not to have to turn the furnace on in the middle of summer.
The deck which seems to have taken a zillion times longer to put together is nearing completion.Hurray!DH just finished wiring in the last of the pot lights and boy do they look nice.It won't get painted until next year but that was at the
recommendation of the guy at Home Hardware.
I got a cool new bike this year.A single speed, old-fashioned looking one with a basket.I haven't been on a bike very much since I had my bike accident in 2000.So when I took my first ride I felt a bit like a little kid just learning to ride a bike.
My little garden has been at the mercy of the weather and the deer.If they weren't so darn cute I would have to kick some "Bambi" butt! They decided that my garden made a wonderful salad bar and helped themselves to my peas and beans.I managed to get some off the plants but they have not been very flavorful.The up and downs of the temperatures didn't do them any favors.The only thing I might get to enjoy is the potatoes.
My front flower garden was amazing though.I had the best year for sweet peas ever.And I had numerous compliments from the neighbours and the bank employees that walk by everyday.
I completed several sewing projects that I have had waiting for a long time.Like curtains for my bathroom,a night gown for "pumpkin", and two summer dresses for "monkey".
We did
manage to take a short vacation to B.C. this year which was very enjoyable.We visited DH parents in Valemount for a couple of days and then made our way south to a campground just outside Merritt.Despite the smoke from the fires it was nice.We also made a day trip to Kelowna and visited a couple interesting places like the Lavender farm and the girls loved the water park.On the way home we stopped at a roadside fruit stand and brought home 20lbs of peaches,some cherries and a few apples.
I sliced up and froze the peaches.I then made my first ever jelly from the nanking cherries in our front yard and it turned out to be pretty good.Now I can add jelly making to the things I have tried.
My Birthday has come and gone and I certainly won't add it to my "most memorable" list but none the less I am a year older.Wiser?Maybe a little.
That brings you up to date WHEW!
Even if I am not I thought I would fill you in a little on what I have been up to this summer .*ahem* I use the term "summer" very loosely.Yes like the thousands of other people I am whining about the weather.Thats what we do isn't it? Granted I am not extremely fond of anything above 25C, as I tend to be very susceptible to heat stroke, but it sure would have been nice not to have to turn the furnace on in the middle of summer.
The deck which seems to have taken a zillion times longer to put together is nearing completion.Hurray!DH just finished wiring in the last of the pot lights and boy do they look nice.It won't get painted until next year but that was at the
recommendation of the guy at Home Hardware.I got a cool new bike this year.A single speed, old-fashioned looking one with a basket.I haven't been on a bike very much since I had my bike accident in 2000.So when I took my first ride I felt a bit like a little kid just learning to ride a bike.
My little garden has been at the mercy of the weather and the deer.If they weren't so darn cute I would have to kick some "Bambi" butt! They decided that my garden made a wonderful salad bar and helped themselves to my peas and beans.I managed to get some off the plants but they have not been very flavorful.The up and downs of the temperatures didn't do them any favors.The only thing I might get to enjoy is the potatoes.
My front flower garden was amazing though.I had the best year for sweet peas ever.And I had numerous compliments from the neighbours and the bank employees that walk by everyday.
I completed several sewing projects that I have had waiting for a long time.Like curtains for my bathroom,a night gown for "pumpkin", and two summer dresses for "monkey".
We did
manage to take a short vacation to B.C. this year which was very enjoyable.We visited DH parents in Valemount for a couple of days and then made our way south to a campground just outside Merritt.Despite the smoke from the fires it was nice.We also made a day trip to Kelowna and visited a couple interesting places like the Lavender farm and the girls loved the water park.On the way home we stopped at a roadside fruit stand and brought home 20lbs of peaches,some cherries and a few apples.
I sliced up and froze the peaches.I then made my first ever jelly from the nanking cherries in our front yard and it turned out to be pretty good.Now I can add jelly making to the things I have tried.My Birthday has come and gone and I certainly won't add it to my "most memorable" list but none the less I am a year older.Wiser?Maybe a little.
That brings you up to date WHEW!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
a promise is a promise
I know ,I know, I promised pictures of the deck and various other things.Well the deck is taking FOREVER!!! We only are able to do bits and pieces of it on Saturdays and only when dear husband is not working.So in other words not too many of those have been free either.At least it has a non leaking roof, stairs and railings.I'm also pretty excited about my new acquisition.A new paint sprayer!
Don't laugh too hard.I happen to like tools.In fact I consider it a "date" to go wandering around hardware stores.They have always held a fascination for me.I don't much care for the electrical aisle or the plumbing aisle but paint ,wood and tools get me really excited!Not to mention the home improvement section.I have not however been able to try out the afore mentioned tool yet because though I may like tools, I am not the best user of them until someone is around to supervise.So it still remains in its plastic carrying case unmarred by the white paint it will eventually hold.Oh the possibilities of this new little machine.
I am slowly accumulating my own little stash of things.I have my very own mitre saw,a snazzy level,an oh so pretty drop cloth,hammers ,a tape measure,not to mention two very pretty colbalt blue clamps.All held together in a charming tool box.Now, my only issue is keeping MY tools as MY tools.There have been several occasions when certain items have gone missing and have mysteriously ended up in someones work van.Kind of annoying when you go to use something and its missing.The guilty party gives me a sheepish grin and goes and fishes it out for me.I guess I will keep him anyway.Someone needs to help me use these things!
Any how, enough about the tools here are a couple more pictures.Slightly closer to being done...
Don't laugh too hard.I happen to like tools.In fact I consider it a "date" to go wandering around hardware stores.They have always held a fascination for me.I don't much care for the electrical aisle or the plumbing aisle but paint ,wood and tools get me really excited!Not to mention the home improvement section.I have not however been able to try out the afore mentioned tool yet because though I may like tools, I am not the best user of them until someone is around to supervise.So it still remains in its plastic carrying case unmarred by the white paint it will eventually hold.Oh the possibilities of this new little machine.
I am slowly accumulating my own little stash of things.I have my very own mitre saw,a snazzy level,an oh so pretty drop cloth,hammers ,a tape measure,not to mention two very pretty colbalt blue clamps.All held together in a charming tool box.Now, my only issue is keeping MY tools as MY tools.There have been several occasions when certain items have gone missing and have mysteriously ended up in someones work van.Kind of annoying when you go to use something and its missing.The guilty party gives me a sheepish grin and goes and fishes it out for me.I guess I will keep him anyway.Someone needs to help me use these things!
Any how, enough about the tools here are a couple more pictures.Slightly closer to being done...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Its been a long time
Wow, its been a super long time since I've been here.Its not that I haven't been on the computer,its just I haven't had very interesting things to talk about.The past month has been busy. Raising kids (more often than not wanting to give them away to the first taker),destruction of the old back step,building a new deck and pretending I know what i'm doing when it comes to planting my flower beds,planting my vegetable garden and completely ignoring the fact that the inside of my house resembles a bomb sight,swimming lessons,zoo trips,my anniversary......
Don't even get me started on how bad the back step was.Ummm...Ok I'll tell you anyways.Its a wonder the thing was standing at all.I always felt as though I was going to fall through the floor and now I know why! Not one board on the frame underneath was a whole piece.They were all spliced together (and very badly I might add).It was in no way shape or form anchored to the house and all the supports were sitting on top of the dirt instead of in it.That also goes for the supports that were holding up the roof.Yikes!The railing was a left over piece of pipe that was rusty,the roof sagged and all the wood was rotting like crazy.But now we have a beautiful deck, which is still not finished ,but that is another story!But at least I know it is well built.I should know ,I hammered and nailed and drilled and screwed, crawled under the deck and layed on my back in the dirt and slammed my fingers with the hammer more that once.Don't worry I couldn't have done any of this alone. My dear sweet hubby was there too.and maybe if I talk to him sweetly he will build me a porch swing too.
I haven't taken too many pictures lately.But when the deck is closer to being finished I will show you.For now... does anyone want two small kids that have a love of scissors and hair cutting ???? Ok, Ok just kidding.(about the giving them away,NOT the hair cutting thing!)Grrrrr.They are going to be bald until they are thirty!!!!!
Don't even get me started on how bad the back step was.Ummm...Ok I'll tell you anyways.Its a wonder the thing was standing at all.I always felt as though I was going to fall through the floor and now I know why! Not one board on the frame underneath was a whole piece.They were all spliced together (and very badly I might add).It was in no way shape or form anchored to the house and all the supports were sitting on top of the dirt instead of in it.That also goes for the supports that were holding up the roof.Yikes!The railing was a left over piece of pipe that was rusty,the roof sagged and all the wood was rotting like crazy.But now we have a beautiful deck, which is still not finished ,but that is another story!But at least I know it is well built.I should know ,I hammered and nailed and drilled and screwed, crawled under the deck and layed on my back in the dirt and slammed my fingers with the hammer more that once.Don't worry I couldn't have done any of this alone. My dear sweet hubby was there too.and maybe if I talk to him sweetly he will build me a porch swing too.
I haven't taken too many pictures lately.But when the deck is closer to being finished I will show you.For now... does anyone want two small kids that have a love of scissors and hair cutting ???? Ok, Ok just kidding.(about the giving them away,NOT the hair cutting thing!)Grrrrr.They are going to be bald until they are thirty!!!!!
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